blinky boy bush slithered out from under his rock this week to dedicate the oxymoronically-named bush “library.” Is My Pet Goat available for check-out? Jon Stewart called it “the Hard Rock Cafe of catastrophic policy decisions.”
Stewart spoke with correspondent Al Madrigal, “on assignment” in Dallas, who took a look at some of the “library’s” weirder features, such as an interactive thing-a-ma-jig in which “library” patrons have to make the decisions that blinky boy blunder made in office – and are told they are, of course, wrong if they make a decision that blinky boy blunder didn’t make. Stewart dubbed that feature “disasterpiece theatre.”
“The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it.” –David Letterman.
“I mean, at the end of this man’s presidency, even as my fellow conservatives were abandoning Bush like rats on a sinking ship on a crash course with Cat Island, I remained faithful, and I’m sure he knows that from the warrantless wiretaps he authorized.” –Stephen Colbert.
“Down in Texas Thursday is the opening of the George Bush Presidential Library and Think Tank. I think he’s in the shallow end.” –Jay Leno.
“In President Bush’s high school yearbook, he was voted least likely to have a library named after him.” –Jay Leno.
“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was in Texas today for the dedication of George W. Bush’s presidential library. The library is already done, but they brought in Christie for a second ground breaking.” –Jimmy Fallon.
“Between these two assholes and the douchebag who sent Ricin to President Obama, it makes me very nostalgic for the carefree days of last week when we were just being threatened by North Korea with nuclear annihilation.” –Bill Maher.
“The guy who sent the Ricin to President Obama… believed he had uncovered a conspiracy to sell human body parts on the black market and the government was in on it. He’s been apprehended, he’s facing jail time, and he’s leading in the polls for the Republican presidential nomination in 2016.” –Bill Maher.
“After a very difficult week, it’s good to know that bad guys don’t get away with it. We caught the Ricin guy. We caught the bombers. This is a powerful message from our government; we will not be intimidated by bombs, we will not be intimidated by poison. This is America. If you are a violent, paranoid lunatic, you must use a gun.” –Bill Maher.
“90 percent of people support background checks, which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.” –Bill Maher.
“Because of the filibuster, the gun bill failed 54 to 46. Failed. I tell you, if the American people ever learn math, they’re going to be pissed.” –Bill Maher.
“A lot of the senators are saying off the record that the reason they couldn’t vote for any sort of gun bill is that they couldn’t go back to their district in this year after we’ve dealt with gay marriage and immigration and gun regulations. This is too much for the peckerwoods to process in any one moment. You might as well say Obama is coming for your deep fryer.” –Bill Maher.